Dec 23, 2016

So much I have trouble understanding in spite of considering myself a gay man..

I've been having several private chats with a man who calls himself bisexual here. He has most of a life's history with women, but having sex with another man seems to still be pretty novel for him... He also shaves off his pubes. I tried it years ago, looked in the mirror and felt twelve years old again and sorely waiting for a first one to make its appearance. So clearly I don't shave. I asked him some questions...

Me:
Do tell me what turns you on!
I often wonder if guys really like to be shaven down below or if their women coax them to perform this scraping-off ritual as a sort of way of taming, of "civilizing" their men.. Thoughts on that??

Him:
Yes. I enjoy sex with both and love giving a man pleasure. I shave because both I like it and the sensation of being naked is exciting. I know the man that likes using me prefers me clean shaven and hairless...

Me:
You like being "used" by a man? Or do you use him? Is that what you do with women?... Or what does that mean, exactly?? ... if I can ask??

Him:
Women I am dominant with and enjoy giving them pleasure with the things I do. With a man that wants his cock sucked and enjoys pumping another mans ass and mouth I like being that man for them... does that make sense to you? So if you are my man i would like sucking and being fucked doggie style with your cock.

Me:
By 'dominant' do you mean the one who does the inserting? ..and so the opposite, being submissive, I suppose, would mean a person of whatever gender who 'takes' a cock inside of them?
So, what is it called when two guys just do it equally? I mean, one sucks the other, then reverse, and one fucks the other and reverse??
And you wouldn't like to be what you call dominate with a man and pleasure him by fucking him and maybe jerking him off while you do it?
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At one point, he talked about himself getting fucked and said he'd been trying but the other guy's dick was just too big to fit his pussy.
This really struck me.. that a guy would refer to his butthole as a pussy... here's some of the back and forth:
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Him:
I like sucking and getting fucked and will tongue-fuck a man as I jerk him. Don't mind 69ing and both cumming.
Have not ass fucked a man till I cum yet, but have put my cock in a man a few times. Still in experimental stage I guess.
I like the excitement a man gets when I lick his cock and balls.
And if my ass excites him I will tease him with it...
I only have one man that I enjoy pleasing. However his cock is huge and fortunately does not fit in my pussy...

Me:
So you have not yet been fucked and cum while being fucked?
Why do you refer to your asshole as a pussy? I mean, what you say is something I hear a lot.. but I don't understand why men suddenly think of themselves as having a pussy or otherwise being woman-like if they're getting plowed. Do you have to be one thing or the other?

I continued:
I guess I'm trying to figure out what you want with this "fucker/fuckee" thing. Is the one who fucks more dominant? Is he more masculine? And on the other hand is the one who's getting it stuck in him then somehow passive and feminine or becomes a "her"? Or are they just two men?.. who maybe like to take different positions but both still have buttholes and cocks and neither of them have pussies?? Don't misunderstand.. I'm not asking this in ANY WAY as judging you or anyone else.. just wonder what this shift of self-image from male to female feels like.. and if two men having sex has to feel like such a polar thing where one is male and the other somehow female?? I say this cuz I see that many Muslim men think it's somehow less of an affront to their masculinity if they "fuck" another man, but completely balk at the idea of getting a dick slipped inside of them or even taking one in their mouth.. Isn't the distinction rather "man-made" and arbitrary??

It seems to me if a man feels like he loses his male gender when getting a dick up his butt, it might make him consider the idea pretty damned carefully before giving into the act ...much more so than if he just saw fucking and getting fucked as exactly the same thing with a man at both the giving and receiving end of a dick...with neither party surrendering anything.. let alone his sense of being a "man" and suddenly owning a "pussy" between his legs. Or does this indeed happen and then the one who's getting plowed feels denigrated and shame for have "been" a woman during the sex?? Perhaps feeling this way is a turn-on??