Reflecting on Sex
(mid 1980s)

One of my responsibilities on Gator Growl was to log video from the event. I got this assignment because I said I worked in my high school AV department. I lied. I had no idea what I was doing.

I had heard a rumor about a guy named Steve. It was said that Steve had a 2-way mirror in his bedroom, and he would let people watch when he had a girl in his room. I did not believe this. But I could not stop thinking about it. Steve was tall, handsome, a bit out of my league, but I became obsessed with the idea of Steve and his mirror.

Steve was the camera man for much of what we recorded at Gator Growl, so I believed volunteering for the video project would mean I would work with him. I was right. We spent many hours together over several weeks. This gave me the time I needed to work my way into Steve’s bedroom. I wore some of my most revealing outfits (that I could get away with on campus), and through my exaggerated flirting he soon realized my true interest was not in the video project.

I had for years been exploring my sexuality, as young girls do. But during my tumultuous freshman year at college, I aggressively explored men. Or more accurately, boys. Arguably still a virgin when I arrived, and with no real female friends with whom I could discuss such matters, I was left to figure it all out myself, and with help from the guys I met at college. It is not hard to understand what boys want. I just didn’t know that most girls generally did not do exactly what the boys wanted. My willingness, or desire to please, guided my sexual development.

My whole life, even to this day, I have been a pushover. I am easily influenced. I am now well aware of this, but I have had little success changing this habit. It is just who I am. Although, I do sometimes try to adjust. For example, my major was elementary education (which was something only my mother wanted). Through college I would sometimes intern at elementary schools. At one point I was reading ‘A Clockwork Orange’, but I had to stop. I found myself wanting to be mean to the kids. I believe this was the influence of the book. I must surround myself with good people and positive situations, or I know I can head down a bad road.

Steve was not a bad guy, but he did have a lot of ideas about girls. And I was throwing myself at him. It was only our second session in the video control room when I went down on him. I thought that is just what all girls did, and that swallowing was something all girls did. This became my signature move. (It is a miracle I made it through the 1980s.) But I know this is what eventually got a nerdy little girl invited to Steve’s apartment.

Steve had an apartment off campus. Most, if not all, of the building was occupied by students. On the way in we spent some time with his friends who were hanging out in the hallways. It was a large group that seemed to know each other well, but it was clear that I was now the center of attention. As I drank the beer they gave me, I started to get the feeling they were checking me out. Assessing the girl that Steve brought to the show tonight, I imagined.

When I entered Steve’s bedroom, I felt my heart rate increase because I saw a large mirror above his dresser. I immediately noticed it was attached to the wall, not the dresser.

I started to think the whole 2-way mirror rumor may actually be true. I was kind of appalled, but also aroused. I thought this was wrong, but I so wanted to be a part of it. Steve cleared off his bed and kicked some mess into the closet while I undressed. My focus was on the mirror. I wasn’t putting on a strip show, but I was making an effort to be sexy. If anyone was watching, they must have thought that I knew, or I was really into myself. Just before turning my attention to Steve, I pushed my boobs up and stuck my tongue out at the mirror.

Steve expressed surprise that I was already naked. I realized that I had been so focused on my fascination with the 2-way mirror that I had not let him work his moves or allow the evening to develop. So, I went with it, and pushed him down on his bed. This changed the dynamic. I was still fairly inexperienced and preferred to be submissive. But now, with Steve, I took on the dominant role and really gave it my all - while focused on that mirror. I usually don’t like to be crude, but there is no better way to put it… I fucked him like people were watching.

Over the next few weeks, I visited Steve’s room often. The whole secret sex show idea, real or imagined, was captivating.

I found what I thought was more evidence that it was true. People from next door were always hanging out in the hallway outside of his apartment. They were unusually interested in me as I would come through the hall. Steve always left the lights on. I had found that the mirror was firmly attached to the wall, not just hanging. And there was an incident at my sorority house. One morning while I was putting on my make up in the bathroom mirror, one of my sisters (who didn’t like me) was next to me looking at herself in the mirror. She pushed her boobs up and stuck her tongue out at her reflection, then turned and walked away. That was my move! I had done that into Steve’s mirror several times.

I could not bring myself to just ask Steve or his friends about it. But I would engage his friends in conversation to see if they would reveal anything. I even tried to work my way into the neighboring apartment that was on the other side of Steve's bedroom wall. The door had been left open at one point when we were all hanging out in the hall. Several people were coming and going from that apartment. But my attempt failed. It did seem like they didn’t want me in there.

Eventually Steve lost interest in me. And my visits to the exhibition room came to an end. I thought I would one day hear about him getting caught with his mirror trick. But that never happened. Although, after too many drinks at a party, I was working my signature move on one of the guys from Steve’s apartment building. I asked him about the mirror rumor. He thought this was very funny, and said it was not true. But he said Steve would video tape girls with his camera hidden in his closet. He had seen some of the tapes, although he said he had not seen me.

Today, I’m convinced there was no 2-way mirror. The expense, construction, and overall logistics just don’t seem plausible. And these guys could never keep that secret. I have since seen 2-way mirrors. Those I saw were easy to spot. Hard to see who or what is on the other side, but easy to tell something is back there. But for an 18-year-old college freshman, those few weeks were a fun mystery. A sexy adventure. And maybe he still has a tape of a weird little girl that liked to tease his mirror, and was seemingly obsessed with her own reflection, while giving him her all.
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As I have stated before, most of my pictures from college were in albums that were destroyed in hurricane Charley years ago. But I like to include pictures when I can. So, I attach a random picture of me that was taken around the time of this story.