| Suicide hit me like a ton of bricks (again) today. I am a chef and the owner of the restaurant committed suicide yesterday. He was also a friend.
I happen to know a lot about it because I lost my br0ther to it in 2001.
Suicide is not hereditary, it's a learned problem solving behaviour. It's not uncommon for a family to suffer more than one suicide.
80% of suicide attempts are made by women and 80% of "successful" suicides are men.
I'm not angry about how he left his wife, daughter, two sons and two grandchildren so suddenly and violently with his gun.
I don't feel guilt as in the coulda, shoulda wouldas.
I'm sad.
I'm so sad that he didn't feel that he could talk to me, someone or anyone about how he felt.
I don't feel anger and guilt because I have already learned that it's not my fault and it's not his fault either. He was sick. Why we differentiate between health and mental health I don't know. Health is health and he wasn't healthy.
What's your story? |
Someone she'd hooked up with wouldn't leave her alone and was controlling her with physical abuse. She already didn't have much will to live. She'd had a very traumatic life, with no family or friends left. Though she did tell me before meeting the guy, that talking to me every day made life bearable for her. After hearing what'd happened, I wasn't sure how to react, and she signed off. I couldn't figure out what to say and had to go, so I just said that I had missed her, and we could talk later. Her last message to me was "That's it? I thought you would have more to say... I give up trying in life."
You nor I can stop someone from taking their life.Unless we physically are able to remove the choice of weapon from their hands. But we have to **** sometime and it is then they will grab something or do something to finish what they started.
I had give it serious thought as a teen because my mom blamed me as part of the reason the family was coming apart. I watched my dad suffer through alot and thought if I was gone,maby they could patch things up. I was going to drive off a bridge. Didn't make it out the driveway as my mom pulled in and blocked me. I had given up,and the family falling apart was the straw that broke the camels back. a few weeks later I got my first car and things went up from there.
I can understand the mindset of a person when they get to that point.
I can also understand the direct impact an attempt has on folks around them.
What I can't understand is why people,men especially, are "trained" to believe it is wrong to sit down and talk things thru or find a solution other than pulling 1's own plug.
Everything, the bank accounts, the lease, the business name and their vehicles were in his name so besides dealing with the death of her husband she's also been dealing with lawyers. She did what had to be done for our business because being in the house alone isn't good therapy. Being busy is. Flowers and cards have been arriving from well wishers and the tears still flow but she's doing what needs to be done.
Life goes on...
Didn't even leave a note. To this day, we have no idea why he did it.
It's very common for someone to try or threaten to do it before the actual act happens.
My br0ther did leave a note, mostly to apologise. I have often wondered how long before he actually died he wrote it. There was not a date on it. He was very withdrawn from his family for his last month.
As far as friends of mine,if they don't feel I am behind or beside them in a time of need, they moved I didn't.
Lesson to learn from it all I guess is to make sure your friends remember you are there if needed.
It really leaves everyone in a state shock,confusion really.
I still am not over it and I saw her just yesterday as her dad is dragging her out of the nursing home and bringing her in public to places I go. Trying to get me back involved with her thinking it will be good for her. I want her to be took care of in the nursing home and out of my sight so i can recover from the damage she did to me.
Folks that want to die don't want to talk. they want a magic fix,wipe away the troubles. it don't work that way.It just moves the troubles to others to suffer from.
My girlfriend used drugs and tried to use a diabetic medicine to od on to kill herself.
When **** abus3 is addressed here in other threads you will notice i have little tolerance for drugs. this is part of the reason why.
I scheduled a vacation two months ago. Plane tickets are bought, hotels are booked and three concert tickets (Roger Waters and twice for Roger Hodgson of Supertramp) are bought. I am done work on Monday and I leave on Tuesday. Life will go on...
The event made me look at myself and make changes. I have and try to continue to help others whenever possible. I do what I can in my own small way as there is no cure, only attempts at prevetion
It was 17 years, 8 months, two weeks and one day ago that I lost my br0ther and it still feels like yesterday. The pain lessens with time and I allow myself to laugh about the good times with my family but in my heart the tears still flow. They may never stop but I did stop wondering if there was something I could have, should have or would have done that could have changed his chosen path. There isn't. If you spend your time there, you'll never find solace in your own heart and that should be your goal. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
I wish you well.
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