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Suicide

Discussion Forum on Show Your Dick
Started by kebmo [Ignore] 21,Oct,17 00:30  other posts
Suicide hit me like a ton of bricks (again) today. I am a chef and the owner of the restaurant committed suicide yesterday. He was also a friend.
I happen to know a lot about it because I lost my br0ther to it in 2001.
Suicide is not hereditary, it's a learned problem solving behaviour. It's not uncommon for a family to suffer more than one suicide.
80% of suicide attempts are made by women and 80% of "successful" suicides are men.
I'm not angry about how he left his wife, daughter, two sons and two grandchildren so suddenly and violently with his gun.
I don't feel guilt as in the coulda, shoulda wouldas.
I'm sad.
I'm so sad that he didn't feel that he could talk to me, someone or anyone about how he felt.
I don't feel anger and guilt because I have already learned that it's not my fault and it's not his fault either. He was sick. Why we differentiate between health and mental health I don't know. Health is health and he wasn't healthy.

What's your story?
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Comments:
By #502711 09,Nov,17 06:03
Some people go day by day contemplating whether being dead is better than being alive. Some people feel like they don't want to die, but they also don't want to live. That life is a pointless struggle, but at the same time they don't want to leave their family with all of the pain & sadness that they feel once you've taken your own life. It's like being in Limbo. You wake up, HAVE to go to work, put your fingers to your head like a pretend gun & make a motion like you're shooting yourself in the head, wishing that you had a gun in your nightstand so that you can avoid the day by blowing your brains all over the wall. Eventually that feeling of being fed up with the world, being pushed around by people, being fed up with being fed up just catches up to you & you either go crazy, climb to the 32nd floor of a hotel room & gun down 50 people, then shoot yourself, or just silently wrap a rope around your neck & hang yourself from a tree...


By dgraff [Ignore] 08,Nov,17 20:27 other posts 
I don't under stand the whole concept of suicide I'm 55 and in my life I've been a druggie an alcoholic the vice-president of a biker gang a real bad ass and never once did I even consider suicide as I look around there's 100 people worse off then me life is worth living you only get out of it what you put in to it


By RealTitsLover [Ignore] 21,Oct,17 02:55 other posts 
I'm really sorry to hear all that... A couple of my close friends committed suicide, over their relationships ending... I'm about 98% sure one of the first girls I really cared about on here did. Don't ask me who it was, she'd already closed her account and was talking to me on a new one because she was sick of certain guys and too nice to blacklist. Right before, she went three weeks without signing on, and she had never gone more than three days. She came back and said she'd been on suicide watch after trying to kill herself again (8th attempt in her life, was in her 20s).

Someone she'd hooked up with wouldn't leave her alone and was controlling her with physical abuse. She already didn't have much will to live. She'd had a very traumatic life, with no family or friends left. Though she did tell me before meeting the guy, that talking to me every day made life bearable for her. After hearing what'd happened, I wasn't sure how to react, and she signed off. I couldn't figure out what to say and had to go, so I just said that I had missed her, and we could talk later. Her last message to me was "That's it? I thought you would have more to say... I give up trying in life."
By Ricky24 [Ignore] 08,Nov,17 15:07 other posts 
I really feld sorry for you, but never blame it to yourself.
By phart [Ignore] 08,Nov,17 19:56 other posts 
Sometimes I think people that want to take their own lives leave "loose ends" as a legacy so to speak.
You nor I can stop someone from taking their life.Unless we physically are able to remove the choice of weapon from their hands. But we have to **** sometime and it is then they will grab something or do something to finish what they started.
I had give it serious thought as a teen because my mom blamed me as part of the reason the family was coming apart. I watched my dad suffer through alot and thought if I was gone,maby they could patch things up. I was going to drive off a bridge. Didn't make it out the driveway as my mom pulled in and blocked me. I had given up,and the family falling apart was the straw that broke the camels back. a few weeks later I got my first car and things went up from there.
I can understand the mindset of a person when they get to that point.
I can also understand the direct impact an attempt has on folks around them.
What I can't understand is why people,men especially, are "trained" to believe it is wrong to sit down and talk things thru or find a solution other than pulling 1's own plug.


By kebmo [Ignore] 06,Nov,17 10:59 other posts 
After a ten day hiatus we're back at work. His wife has always worked there and she's back too.
Everything, the bank accounts, the lease, the business name and their vehicles were in his name so besides dealing with the death of her husband she's also been dealing with lawyers. She did what had to be done for our business because being in the house alone isn't good therapy. Being busy is. Flowers and cards have been arriving from well wishers and the tears still flow but she's doing what needs to be done.
Life goes on...
By phart [Ignore] 06,Nov,17 13:39 other posts 
Time will heal the suffering from the loss of her husband but time and money are the only solutions to the legal issues. Sucks but sadly it is the truth.


By #454258 22,Oct,17 00:54
My uncle put a rifle to the back of his throat, and pulled the trigger.

Didn't even leave a note. To this day, we have no idea why he did it.
By kebmo [Ignore] 22,Oct,17 02:29 other posts 
Suicide isn't something that someone decides to do one day. He was probably thinking about it for a long time.
It's very common for someone to try or threaten to do it before the actual act happens.
My br0ther did leave a note, mostly to apologise. I have often wondered how long before he actually died he wrote it. There was not a date on it. He was very withdrawn from his family for his last month.
By #454258 22,Oct,17 10:47
Thing about my uncle was, there were no red flags. He seemed like his normal cheery self.
By kebmo [Ignore] 22,Oct,17 11:08 other posts 
It must leave you shaking your head and asking "what the fuck?" It's hard to find closure when the most important question can't be answered; why?
By phart [Ignore] 22,Oct,17 11:33 other posts 
Yes it does. It is almost as if they make sure to leave everyone asking "why" as some form of revenge. I wondered it for a year before my instinct of self preservation kicked in and I backed away from things. It will bug you till you let it go.Just realize,had they wanted help,they would have ask.

As far as friends of mine,if they don't feel I am behind or beside them in a time of need, they moved I didn't.
Lesson to learn from it all I guess is to make sure your friends remember you are there if needed.


By phart [Ignore] 22,Oct,17 08:12 other posts 
Well if you read my blog,"what would you do"you can get a glimpse of what I have been dealing with as far as a suicide attempt.

It really leaves everyone in a state shock,confusion really.

I still am not over it and I saw her just yesterday as her dad is dragging her out of the nursing home and bringing her in public to places I go. Trying to get me back involved with her thinking it will be good for her. I want her to be took care of in the nursing home and out of my sight so i can recover from the damage she did to me.


Folks that want to die don't want to talk. they want a magic fix,wipe away the troubles. it don't work that way.It just moves the troubles to others to suffer from.

My girlfriend used drugs and tried to use a diabetic medicine to od on to kill herself.

When **** abus3 is addressed here in other threads you will notice i have little tolerance for drugs. this is part of the reason why.


By kebmo [Ignore] 22,Oct,17 02:48 other posts 
I have spent the last two days struggling with my own personal issues reliving my br0ther's death while keeping up a brave face at work dealing with all of the problems that have been caused at the restaurant because he and his wife are not there to do their normal 12 hour days. Friday and Saturday are the busiest days and they are behind me now so it will be easier for the next couple of days until she comes back to work.
I scheduled a vacation two months ago. Plane tickets are bought, hotels are booked and three concert tickets (Roger Waters and twice for Roger Hodgson of Supertramp) are bought. I am done work on Monday and I leave on Tuesday. Life will go on...


By #294721 21,Oct,17 11:56
Everyone carries their emotional baggage differently. The allure of seeking the permanent solution to a temporary problem doesn't appeal to all. Certainly not to me. Having been affected by someone's choice to follow through with suicide myself, I consider no different than a terroristic attack, but, on a different scale.

The event made me look at myself and make changes. I have and try to continue to help others whenever possible. I do what I can in my own small way as there is no cure, only attempts at prevetion


By #487013 21,Oct,17 01:59
I lost my ex boyfriend to suicide in late 2015. Not a day goes by that I don’t think of him. Although we weren’t together when it happened, (I had stepped aside to let him go back to his wife he had wanted his kids and fam back together since he missed that) I was on good terms with him and still loved him deeply. Things didn’t quite work out with his wife like he thought and he got depressed. Sometimes I wonder if Inwould have fought harder for him and he wouldn’t have gone back to her if he would still be around. He was the only person I’ve ever met that I could talk to for hours on end about anything and felt like he related to me. I often think maybe if we could have talked I could have saved him.
By kebmo [Ignore] 21,Oct,17 10:06 other posts 
That's a lot of shoulda, coulda, woulda. Please don't go there, it's not your fault. We all need to find our own way to carry on with our lives without guilt. That was hard for me when I lost my br0ther.
It was 17 years, 8 months, two weeks and one day ago that I lost my br0ther and it still feels like yesterday. The pain lessens with time and I allow myself to laugh about the good times with my family but in my heart the tears still flow. They may never stop but I did stop wondering if there was something I could have, should have or would have done that could have changed his chosen path. There isn't. If you spend your time there, you'll never find solace in your own heart and that should be your goal. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
I wish you well.


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