I bet you can't guess what I am now?

Are you trying to seduce me, Mrs. Robinson?

I couldn't help but notice your pain.
[My pain?]
It runs deep
Share it with me!

Dude, you gotta have a poker face, like me.

"I cant go down the street to buy a pack of smokes without running into 9 guys you've fucked"

Well, would you like to hear me tell a joke?

Yeah. Yeah, we'd love to hear a joke from you.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Go fuck yourselves.

..................................
Two little mice fell in a bucket of cream. The first mouse quickly gave up and drowned. The second mouse, wouldn't quit. He struggled so hard that eventually he churned that cream into butter and crawled out. Gentlemen, as of this moment, I am that second mouse.

No, no. No, see, this is a really shit idea. You know why? Because it's really obviously a shit idea.


Oh, great. Valium. Not only will we be able to go to s.leep, if we get attacked in the middle of the night, we won't even care.

Victims; aren't we all?

Anti-wrinkle cream there may be, but anti-fat-bastard cream there is not.


On Sale for £4.99 and we're still a fuckin' fiver short.

I'm walkin here, I'm walking here!

"I want you to carve a "c" from the corner of him eye to the corner of him mouth."

Puny God!

I'm mad as HELL and I'm not going to take it anymore!

You wanted a recording of my voice, well here it is. What you want me to say is, 'I love you'. Well I don't. I H_ate you, you little slut.

That? That's my favourite axe, Eddie.

Look into my eyes. Look into my fucking eyes.

I'm Superman! King fucking Kong! I can pick you up and throw you a million miles. I'm number one. Number fucking one. I'm number one. Number fucking one. Number one! Number one! Number one!

Where's your tool ? What fucking tool...

I'm the daddy...

Rules: no punching in the face, no kicking in the goolies, and no biting.

Now listen up, I wanna make this quick, and to the point, 'cos just like you all I want to do is get home, jump into a warm bed with a nice hot woman and watch the footy

That's yo ass Mister Postman!

You keep knocking on the devil's door long enough and sooner or later someone's gonna answer you.

Zip up your mouth Jeremiah. Did you grow up in a barn?

Forget that, Green. I used to make a good living around here because cops like you couldn't find tits in a strip joint.

The double douche

You have been deemed hazardous. Will you comply?

You can kiss my ass, metal dick!

I'm sorry, my responses are limited. You must ask the right questions

Why does the Navy have to practice so early on a Sunday?

You need to have respect for me. I was almost your father but the line was too long!


You know what? Last time you said that, I was kinda trippin', right? But now, you're right. I am crazy. And you know what else? I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck about you. I don't give a fuck about Steel. I don't give a *fuck* about Raheem, either. I don't give a fuck about myself. Look, I ain't shit. And you less of a man than me, so as soon as I figure you ain't gon be shit, *pow*! So be it. You remember that, motherfucker. 'Cause I'm the one you need to be looking out for... *partner*!

I have to return some video tapes

It just a jump to the left

"This shits chess it ain't checkers."