A farmer selling his peaches door to door knocked at a house and a shapely 30-something woman dressed in a sheer negligee opened it.

He raised his basket to show her the peaches and asked, "Would you like to buy some peaches?"

She pulled the top of the negligee to one side and asked, "Are they as firm as this?"

He nodded his head and said, "Yes ma'am," and a little tear ran from his eye.

Then she pulled the other side of her negligee off asking, "Are they nice and pink like this?"

The farmer said, "Yes," and another tear came from the other eye.

Then she lifted up the bottom of her negligee and asked, "Are they as fuzzy as this?"

He again said, "Yes," and broke down crying.

She asked, "Why on earth are you crying?"

Drying his eyes he replied, "The drought got my corn, the flood got my soybeans, a tornado leveled my barn, and now I think I'm gonna get screwed out of my peaches."

I had to go to the bank today to conduct some business. When I arrived, I saw Gilbert O'Sullivan in there.

I went up to him and asked him what kind of business was he conducting.

"A loan again, naturally," Gilbert replied.

My sex mad girlfriend and I own a beautiful bloodhound. Great big slobbering tongue and gorgeous eyes.

The dog's quite nice too.

A little girl is looking out the window and sees two dogs screwing on the front lawn. She yells, "Daddy! Daddy! Come here! Come see what those dogs are doing!"

Daddy, hearing her, comes in and sees his daughter watching the dogs. "Oh, no," he thinks. "I don't think she's old enough for this talk yet. I'll make up something."

Thinking quick, he tells her, "See the boy dog? Well, he hurt his foot and the girl dog is helping him go to the vet."

The little girl watches for a moment, and then looks at him and says, "Well, that just goes to show ya. You try to help someone and you just end up getting fucked!"

This is funny, enjoy!

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Two elderly spinster twin sisters hired a male stripper for their birthday. When he was finally naked, one of the old ladies had a stroke. The other couldn't reach.

I came home the other night and my wife was looking at an advert for the world's most expensive fur coat. She said: "I've gotta have that". So I cut the advert out and gave it to her.

My wife has run off with the lodger and I don't half miss him.

I suggested to my mother-in-law she goes for a walk across the Pennines on Christmas Day. The search parties have got the day off.

Dingy broad is in the hospital. She is unhappy with how her cuntlips looks. Says her labia are too big.

Doctor performs the operation and when she wakes up, three are three roses in her hospital room.

Confused, she summons the doctor and demands to know who sent the roses. The doctor says the first rose is from him. He felt sorry she had to go through this herself.

Second rose is from the nurse who helped in the operating theater. She said the same thing- felt sorry.

And the last one she asks? That is from the burn unit upstairs. Guy wanted to say thank you for his new ears!

Thieves broke into the local police station and stole all the toilets in the building. The identities of the burglars were unknown. The Chief of Police said later in an interview, "So far, we have nothing to go on."

What boards on Stupidity? Canada 🇨🇦 and Mexico 🇲🇽.

You will have to watch and read this joke. You won’t be disappointed!

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I like my new job in the mirror factory. On reflection, i can see myself developing

A Muslim, a Jew, a Christian and an atheist walk into a coffee shop and sit down together and they talk, laugh, drink coffee and become good friends. That's what happens when you're not an asshole.

What do you call a deer with no eyes : no idea
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs : still no idea

Lots of Mexican don't unwrap a
Present. But they unwrap tamales.

Better late than never . Why did Santa have 3 girls. So he could say HO HO HO.

Thieves stole a large wall mirror from one of the Stately Homes of England and dumped it on the steps of Scotland Yard.
Police say they are looking into it.

My wife had a facelift the other day. Trouble is, it wasn't high enough, I could still see it.

Did you hear about the pottery worker who disliked his job so much he resigned?

He said it was a mug's game.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying at your front step?

Matt.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs nailed to the wall?

Art.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs floating in the ocean?

Bob.

What do you call a man with no arms and no legs trapped in a cage with a tiger?

Fucked.

I wanted my dick to be 8 inches long. so I folded it in half

What do you call a lesbian with braces?

A box cutter!


What do you call a black broad with braces?

A Black & Decker pecker wrecker!

THE CANDY BAR JOKE 😄😄😄 One day MR.Goodbar wanted a Bit-of-Honey so he took MS.Hershey behind the Power House on 5th Avenue were he began to fill her Mounds which were Almond Joy.She let out a Snicker as his Big Hunk slid up here Milky Way.The results were a Baby Ruth .

What do 78 year old vegetables taste like?

Depends.

Did you hear about the bloke this week who's been charged with stealing a load of cheese?

He must have been crackers.

How do you eat a piece of Candy? 🍬

You lift up her belly.

#610414

A bunch of street dog living in an area. Every night they used to go together to a dumping zone for having dinner. All of them noticed that since almost two weeks a male dog didn't join with them, just sit near an appointment & keep looking at the 2nd floor.

One night they all want to know why he's sitting like a statue there and not joining with them.

He said a couple living at that 2nd floor, they're always quarrels. One day the man said "you slut, I'll bring a street dog any day and forced to fuck you. A slut like you deserve it." That's why I'm waiting and couldn't join with you.

I know a guy who hates women. I told him he is a mysogonist but he says its got nothing to do with religion.